She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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