i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize
