i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
