Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
two words: eviction party
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
