Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
