I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
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