I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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