i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
