At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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