If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
