i just wanna soil my oats bro
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
