I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
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I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
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Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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