Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
Randomize
