Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
