he puts the penis in happiness.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
my being single is dangerous.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
