12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
