he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
Randomize
