Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
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