is your mom at the bar?
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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