zippers are such a cool invention
Sacagawea was the original milf.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
