Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
