I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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