just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
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