someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
