Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
