I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
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