I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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