he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
My ass is underappreciated
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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