i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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