I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
