If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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