**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
