there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
