Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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