I want to make a zoo with you.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Randomize
