he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
