this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize