there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
