His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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