i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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