I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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