I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
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