Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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