He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
