Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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