probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
