Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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