kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
