Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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