I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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