I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
