and you said cock pushups were impossible
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Randomize
