Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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