I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
