i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
