did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
