dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
