I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
do nipples grow back?
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