wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I just want to make out with him forever
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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