got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
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These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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