if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Your penis caused this!
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
