You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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