Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
