dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
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