Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
