oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
We got so high we made milksteak
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
