i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
