i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
